My assignments which involve [REDACTED] are ancillary to your own [REDACTED] [REDACTIONS] and serve more as a coagulant, or perhaps a lubricant so that when you [REDACT] there is less discomfort in the [REDACTED].
My team has been meaning to talk with your team about your adorable insistence that your “marvelous” system will be capable of [REDACTED]; regardless of daylight and understanding, we have findings you may find [REDACTEDABLE].
But until logistics has confirmed that there will be additional donut or donut-related resources available to supply our expeditionary forces during their advance on Conference Room 3B we can’t risk the possibility that we’ll all be reassigned from [REDACTED] to [REDACTED].
Departmental reassignment being one of the many hazards of being caught with low blood sugar by the many bands of renegade HR associates roaming the campus of [REDACTED].
Contact me for secure rendezvous coordinates and we may be able to supply a sternly worded memo.
Despite all the talk, voter fraud didn’t apparently affect the election much.
If every voter registered by ACORN were actually dead, and every single shambling corpse cast its vote for Obama simply because his name was easier for decomposing mouths to utter than the tongue-sound rich “McCain”, there would still have been enough clinically live human voters to cinch the currently accepted result.*
This is a counter-intuitive phenomenon, especially considering the legions of patriotic war-dead that I was sure would vote Republican by absentee this time around.
I suppose we can blame their silence on McCain’s insistence on using matching public funds.
* Whoo! Now THAT was a long sentence. Sorry about that.
Obama Beta 1
If history doesn’t exactly repeat itself, certainly it can be purchased as a commentary laden box-set.
Possibly from Amazon.
Either way, recent election results can be seen as the precursor to the greatest story ever told:
Jack Bauer rescuing a cougar from his rampaging daughter.
While Obama will only be a bit player in this drama, it’s good to flesh out his back-story.
And much like when Herbie Hancock signed the Declaration of Independence on this day during the War of 1812, I shall scrawl my florid signature across whatever papers the state provides me with on this most blesses of holy days.
In the USA, where we take the days off of work to eat Turkey and to honor some guy who couldn’t tell the difference between Jamaica and Hyderabad, we steadfastly refuse to offer election day as a holiday.
Luckily, this year many people don’t have the added distraction that employment might bring to the proceedings.
Off I go, and wish me luck in my attempts to leverage the levered levers* of Democracy.
* Like a hedge fund without the hedges and where in the end I at least get a new sticker to wear.
** Think this posting needs a photograph? You lack imagination.
