Vicky, as prone to car-sickness as any other Starcevic descendant, assumed Gerald’s privileged front seat position and left her husband to sort through the crumbs and Archie comic books littering the rear seat of my Mazda. He made appreciative noises for the latter half of the twenty minute car ride which leads me to believe he may have consumed the crumbs without condiment.
Don’t get too excited. You’ve already seen essentially everything this cartoon has to offer. It was, however, suggested to me that I might as well try entering something into the Aniboom/Fox Holiday Animation Challenge, so I hastily edited together the first four Don Juan Frankenstein shorts into the form of this:
The grand prize winner not only receives a large quantity of cash but also the opportunity for a development deal with Fox. Not that I’m holding out an inordinate amount of hope for that, but hey, if a hack like Seth MacFarlane can have two fucking shitty shows on that network, why not a hack like me?
Which brings me to the point: Four of the five finalists will be selected by a mysterious Fox voting panel of mysterious voting. The fifth selection will be made by fans via a nearly equally mysterious voting process that I’m assuming is tied to the Aniboom rating system and/or the number of times a cartoon happens to be viewed. Honestly, I’m not exactly sure how it works, but if you’re so inclined, you’re more than free to drop by and rate me.
Besides, my birthday’s coming up–I’m turning the big three-oh, as the silly people like to call it–and you know what I’d like more than anything? A development deal with Fox so that I can sneak into Seth MacFarlane’s office and shit on his desk while he’s out enjoying the fruits of being the highest-paid TV writer in history, for God’s sake. Please! Help me shit on Seth MacFarlane’s desk!
Jesus Christ! It’s Arthbard!
That’s right. After all this time, even I was sure I must be lying dead in ditch somewhere. But, here I am, back from the grave.
And, on that note, let me tell you a story about my favorite fellow corpse:
In the early nineteen-nineties I remember looking over my brother’s shoulder at a computer design periodical which featured some early images of the characters from Toy Story, including this disturbing doll-head-spider thing*. From that moment on I’ve been amazed by Pixar’s visual artistry.
And, other than during the late nineties when they seemed in danger of becoming the “buddy picture” factory (see Toy Story 1 &2, Monsters Inc, and to a lesser extent, Finding Nemo), they have consistently surprised me with story choices that avoid the handful of approved Hollywood formulas normally seen in children’s fare.
Wall-E is no exception. Consider this: an animated movie for which the first half hour takes place in a bleak, post-apocalyptic metropolis on a seemingly dead Earth which nonetheless manages to be light-hearted and delightful from the first frame. A movie with a robotic protagonist who only speaks a handful of nearly unintelligible words and yet manages to more effectively convey emotions than your average overpriced human star/starlet.
I loved this movie, and while I don’t discount the possibility that I’m suffering from a cinematic infatuation, I am tentatively putting it in my top ten movies of all time**. Congrats, Pixar, you now have earned a place in the worlds least significant pantheon***.
No, this isn’t a full review of the movie. Many many others have already done it and far better than I probably could. But there are things in this movie I want to talk about, and I have no one to talk to about it, so…
* This character is named “Babyface,” and is actually quite friendly. He/she/it is willing and able to reassemble you should you become unexpectedly dismembered.
** My number one will always be Blues Brothers.
*** I suppose an autistic child’s top ten collection of Discarded Candy Wrappers Found In Parkinglot On Way To Behavioural Therapist’s Wednesday Office might be less significant, but wouldn’t involve cinema****.
**** Unless it gets turned into a ‘quirky’ small-town indie film in time for this year’s Sundance titled Unwrapped Hope
Greetings to everyone in SafeTinspector-land! I probably ought to introduce myself on account of I haven’t posted here since roughly the Cretaceous Era and I doubt very much if very many people reading this blog still remember me. But, you see that name at the top of the page? The one right under “SafeTinspector?”
You know … the red one …
Well, that’s me, I’m Arthbard, and I used to post here on a somewhat regular basis before falling prey to the interventions of life and a pronounced tendency to just be rather lazy.
Anyways, I’m back, I’ve got my own whole domain (arthbard.com) with its own whole WordPress blog (arthbard.com/blog), and I’m going to be cross-posting some stuff here, since I’ve actually been doing some sporadic posting over the last couple of months … Also, my name’s already on the logo, and we’re both too lazy to change it.
So, here’s a cartoon! Yay!
In the early nineteen-nineties I remember looking over my brother’s shoulder at a computer design periodical which featured some early images of the characters from Toy Story, including this disturbing doll-head-spider thing*. From that moment on I’ve been amazed by Pixar’s visual artistry.
