I wore the cheap canvas thing all day, making an exaggerated show of placing things in, and taking things out, of it wherever I went.

    I’ve not a legitimate need for it, so I resorted to low-level kleptomania; stealing coffee mugs, pads of sticky-notes, a yo-yo, a stress toy, and others. Like a confused robin hood, I then would redistribute the stolen objects onto the desks of others.

    At one point I placed a sheaf of paper to be recycled into it, walked across the office to the shredder, and then methodically pulled page after page from the bag and fed them through.

    When I was done I took the staple remover from the counter and placed it into the mesh pocket I dubbed the “lisp mitten” for the feminine look I inadvertently adopted whenever I stuck my fist in it.

    Later, I removed the staple remover* and replaced it with a diet pepsi that was gifted to me. This bottle is empty, but still occupies the Lisp Mitten.

    I am ready to go home now and my murse’s inventory is:

• An empty plastic spill-proof coffee mug.
• A blue, lego robot fist.
• A disembodied foam head that parrots annoying catch phrases when squeezed
• A CDRom copy of Microsoft Office 97
• aforementioned empty drink bottle
• my cell phone, which expired of exhaustion some time past

    I’ve decided to leave it here for the weekend. No, I’m taking it home. I guess.