Upon examination of the underlying code and due to schema issues, reconfiguring the software to correct this condition presents a rather sticky and seemingly insurmountable technical problem.

    I don’t think it can be fixed.

    I have taken the liberty of calling a local attorney and have had him begin the process of introducing a name-change initiative onto the 2010 Fall ballot. The attorney voiced some concern over whether he will be able to gather the requisite number of signatures in time, so I’ve also asked him to begin filing a petition to force the town name change on the grounds that the word “Middletown” is in direct copyright violation of Middleton, Rhode Island, which has a credible prior claim to the valuable trademark.

    I estimate that the problem should be corrected within the next year-and-a-half, depending on which avenue produces fruit soonest.

    Sorry for the inconvenience.

    -SafeTinspector

    The only thing it has to say is “DIVORCE”, which is strapped to its tummy and can be interpreted as a name or possibly a mission. The car could be symbolic of the loss of possessions many men expect they will be subjected to should the other boot ever fall, or it could just be a coincidence that the same simulated gas filled ape I saw last week pimping used vehicles at a disreputable lot was now threatening me.

    The disappointment of the Jersey-bound family was extreme. They threatened lawsuits, which we laughed off. They attempted an occult summoning, but our many wards and talismans thwarted their so-called wizard.

    Ultimately they settled on paying for Heather’s airfare. Samantha had been looking forward to the trip more than anyone else, as she missed her second-cousins a lot, so I agreed to pay her way, while Riley and myself remained in Michigan in order to defend our house from looters.

    Mere hours after her arrival in the Garden State I received a text message stating that Samantha had fallen out of a bunk-bed, had hurt her arm, and was to be dropped off at a godless NJ emergency room by a party bus on its way to inebriate the entire family.

    X-rays revealed a broken elbow, and while the trip still involved some amount of fun for all involved, it will forever be remembered as the time that New Jersey broke Samantha.

    So its been a week, and while Sam has been fairly sanguine about the ordeal–at least as sanguine as an ADHD addled 8-year old can ever be–she is still suffering from aches and itches in equal measure.

    And since the whole enterprise had such a miserable ending I can’t even parlay the fact that I didn’t get to go into any sort of credit towards gaining some momentary personal freedom this weekend. *sigh*