Archive for August, 2009
VMWorld 2009 and the Good Hotel
Posted on August 31, 2009
Heather and I have arrived safely in San Francisco.
At least, I assumed we were safe as the flight staff seemed unconcerned about the noises, smells, flashing lights and open flames.
I did my best to act nonchalant, which was made more difficult because one of the retractible wheels on our coffin-sized suitcase had grown shy over the years and the result was a scrapey-draggy mess.
We are staying in the “Good Hotel“, a conscientiously eco-friendly place which boasts furniture made from reclaimed wood and offers to lend out bicycles to the guests for free.
The room is very small, but comfortable, and we slept well. The eco-friendly tone seems a little superficial, but I think they mean well.
(there’s a reduce-reuse-recycle sign above some disposable individual packets of instant coffee)
Heather is still scrambling for things to do today, but my GPS tells me it’s a short walk to Moscone.
South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford
Posted on August 9, 2009
Hello, yes. I do live in the state of South Carolina. Always have.
In the past, my state’s big claim to fame has always been that it was the first to secede, plunging the country into Civil War, during which time, thank God, my state’s side lost. Its most famous politicans have always been the pro-slavery John C. Calhoun and pro-segregation Strom Thurmond.
At least until Mark Sanford–that brave soul–decided that this state should go down in history for something even stupider than not liking black people.
As you may heard, Governor Sanford mysteriously disappeared for about a week back in June without telling anyone where he was going or bothering to transfer gubernatorial power, leaving open the very pertinent question of just who the fuck was in charge at this time. When asked about Sanford’s whereabouts over that Father’s Day weekend, his own wife responded with a curt “I don’t know where he is.”
When the Governor finally returned, he held a tear-streaked press conference during which he admitted to having an affair with an Argentinian woman.
Of course, Governor Sanford vowed to attempt to work things out with his wife, all the while telling everyone that the Argentinian woman was his “soul mate.” Which his wife, presumably, was not–obviously good, solid ground for attempting to reconcile a strained marriage.
But, it turns out that wasn’t the full extent of Governor Sanford’s incredibly, magnificently stupid plan to get the State of South Carolina remembered for the dumbest thing ever. No, he’s been working on this for years, and only now is the extent of his grand scheme being revealed to the public!
Because, with his Argentinian excursions, the Governor’s usage of state funds in his travels has come under increasing scrutiny.
Because, the man who likes to make such a big deal over government spending, the man who refused to accept federal money for our state’s schools on the grounds that he didn’t like President Barack Obama’s stimulus plan (again with the black people!), the man whose Web site features a page drawing attention to the South Carolina Budget Waste of the Day … This man! is responsible for inspiring this AP Story, of which I will now quote my favorite section verbatim:
On March 10, 2006, a state plane was sent to pick up Sanford in Myrtle Beach and return him to Columbia, the state capital, at a cost of $1,265 — when his calendar showed his only appointment in Columbia was “personal time” at his favorite discount hair salon. He had flown to Myrtle Beach on a private plane and attended a county GOP event.
The trip home on the state aircraft took off at 1:50 p.m. and arrived in Columbia at 2:35 p.m., enabling the governor to keep his plans for a 3 p.m. haircut across town.
See, he was being thrifty. It was a discount hair salon. Thank God he made it in time for his appointment. The results speak for themselves.
Oh My God … I Really Can’t Tell!
Posted on August 8, 2009
We’re all familiar with generic, store brand, ripoff products. They’re those products that are extremely similar to some more well-known product, but subtly different and decidedly cheaper.
There comes a very important point in the development of any knockoff product, however, when the makers have to decide: What the Hell do we call this shit? You see, they have to come up with a name that’s similar enough to evoke images of the actual product they’re emulating, but different enough to avoid a lawsuit. This sometimes leads to interesting results.
I’ll never forget, for example, when my mom would go shopping and come home with a bottle of Extra Strength Non-Aspirin. What was in the bottle, I couldn’t tell you, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t aspirin.
Still, few product names have amused me as much as this Food Lion brand Isn’t It Butter.
I mean, Fabio may not have been able to believe it, but at Food Lion, they’re still not really sure. Isn’t it butter? It might be … We think it is … Y’know, we really can’t tell.
Ultimately, though, the brand “Isn’t It Butter” won out over alternate names “It Tastes Like Butter,” “I Swear To God, I Really Think This Must Be Butter,” and “Here, Try Some Of This And Tell Me If You Think It’s Butter Or Not.”
Still, though, at least this product name is slightly less ridiculous than that of the product it’s ripping off. Do you think Fabio can believe that?
