Improvised Toddler Device
Posted on July 19, 2009
Riley, shown here completing a work schedule for a local family restaurant.
| I’ve recently stumbled upon the design for a new weapon.
First, locate a crying toddler. Second, pick up the toddler and hold him/her under your arm with the noisy end pointing toward your enemies. Congratulations! You’ve assembled your very own Sob Cannon. This surprising* weapon is capable of clearing public restrooms, busy shopping aisles and other public spaces. It may be an effective form of self defense against obsequious wait-staff or commissioned salespeople as well, though I’ve yet to try it on anything more threatening than a timid waitress who apparently was immunized as a child. I found that in her case a stern glare was just as effective but deprived me of a much-needed coffee refill. |
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| Unfortunately, it seems to have the opposite affect on my parents and other older relatives. |  
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* Surprising in that no one expects a Sob Cannon attack. NO ONE.
