I figure now I can start my own TV network. With this kit and a few damaged and/or slutty drunkards, I can come up with a flimsy premise for a contest and quickly become rich.

    Here’s an idea:

     A contestant steps out onto the stage. Techno music or R&B pounds out of the speakers while the cameras swoop and the light show flashes.
     The contestant just stands there, looking shy, possibly staring at his or her feet. He or she may fidget nervously, but must exhibit no other signs of activity.
     As soon as they tentatively glance at the judges the music stops and the judges take turns screaming deprecations at the contestant, who wanders off the stage sobbing.
     One contestant would be voted off each week for displaying too much backbone.
     The finalist would receive a large pair of aviator sunglasses and a copy of an Ann Coulter Travelogue–perhaps her trip to the Grand Canyon*.