Archive for January, 2009

Oh yeah, I’m going to make me some Coffee!

Posted on January 23, 2009

random

    Nostalgia demands that I confess that early memories include waking up to the smell of coffee and the sounds of breakfast doings being done by the doers.

    I’m the doer doing the doings in my nuke-fam, and I now enjoy the production thereof as much as I once enjoyed the consumption thereof.

    Besides, I now have grinder, and beans disintegrate on the way to beverage-hood stink up the kitchen nicely.

    Heather says its smells like cigarettes but I think she’s completely off-base and should apologize.
        To me, to the beans, to God.

    A Chinese lady today tells me that I shouldn’t methodically and carefully peel the pith from my orange, that I’m discarding the most ‘nutritious’ part of the fruit and ruining it–RUINING IT!

    Petit and smiley lady, I peel the pith because it slows the eating process down and, since I don’t actually value the orange as food, I don’t give a crap about what nutritional value the damn thing has.     

    All that really matters is that it is not a corn chip nor has it a nougat center. I have a tangerine for later. ….I think it is later now.

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How to Make a Reality Show

Posted on January 22, 2009

random

    I figure now I can start my own TV network. With this kit and a few damaged and/or slutty drunkards, I can come up with a flimsy premise for a contest and quickly become rich.

    Here’s an idea:

     A contestant steps out onto the stage. Techno music or R&B pounds out of the speakers while the cameras swoop and the light show flashes.
     The contestant just stands there, looking shy, possibly staring at his or her feet. He or she may fidget nervously, but must exhibit no other signs of activity.
     As soon as they tentatively glance at the judges the music stops and the judges take turns screaming deprecations at the contestant, who wanders off the stage sobbing.
     One contestant would be voted off each week for displaying too much backbone.
     The finalist would receive a large pair of aviator sunglasses and a copy of an Ann Coulter Travelogue–perhaps her trip to the Grand Canyon*.

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Sometimes Food Isn’t Enough

Posted on January 16, 2009

shopping carts

    Only feet from a rich source of food, this Crowleys VC Strider succumbs to the elements and slowly converts its stomach contents to dried leaves, a natural process which is used by many arborists for reforestation in brownfield environments.

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Bug Attack – No One Gets Fired for Buying Microsoft

Posted on January 5, 2009

culture, linux, microsoft, open source

Curiouser and curiouser. Why would a bug want to copy a legitimate Microsoft OS DLL into the root directory of a computer and then rename it to a random string with an EXE extension?     More importantly, why would anyone be browsing the internet from their server console?     Some people really shouldn’t be allowed to operate their own computer equipment.     Microsoft, I know you’ve taken plenty of heat lately on security issues, and that IE7 is actually pretty secure provided it is updated constantly with the many security fixes you provide operated in a completely paranoid manner by technically savvy individuals     But if a user is even slightly incompetent or credulous–as the average human is–then within an alarmingly short period of time most Windows-based computers are compromised. Add this to the many shortcomings of the bloated server offerings and unwieldy desktop offerings and I am more satisfied with my decision to use Linux on my laptop every day.     And yet what alternative do we have in the business space? I can’t sell open source business solutions to save my life! People always complain that they aren’t compatible enough, can’t be integrated easily enough. And if I do happen to sell an open source–or even a non-Microsoft closed source–solution and ANYTHING goes wrong with it I get blamed for the recommendation. You sold me this crap. It’s your fault, says Mr. Unhappy Customer.     If a Microsoft solution fails–as they sometimes do–then I can usually pass the blame on Microsoft, and the customer is cool with it.     In the really old days there was a phrase: “No one gets fired for buying IBM.”     Unfortunately, these days this phrase equally applies to Microsoft.

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The Glove Incident

Posted on January 3, 2009

pets

Around 2:00am this morning Sisco the cat staged a fight with one of my new snow gloves in the front room     The ensuing melee scared the crap out of Tera the dog, who then spent the rest of the early morning as a panting, drooling mess in the upstairs hallway.     Such is life with animals.

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