Open Letters to My Friends
Dear Maja,
Getting an appointment isn’t so hard for me. What’s a pain is that they double and triple-book the doctors so you get to spend quite a bit of time thumbing through old copies of Hightlights magazine on the way toward actualizing your insurance options.
Sincerely, SafeTinspector
Dear Davecat,
Dipping children in Barbicide isn’t nearly as good an idea as you might think.
Hope this letter finds you in good health,Love, SafeTinspector
Dear Mom,
If you must know, I was killing the French Ambassador.
Lots of love,
your son, SafeTinspector
Dearest Lyvvie,
Apparently there is more than one variant of HFM, so I got two different versions of the bug. It is supposed to be kids-only, but yours truly is apparently susceptible to this particular illness. Comes from living healthy, I guess. How’s that phrase go?
“No ostensibly sensible act goes without punitive consequences being enforced?”best wishes, SafeTinspector
My Most Esteemed friend, Veach,
In ‘05 I had a sinus infection during a trip to Houston. If you search my site for it you’ll get to see what you wanted.
Provided, of course, that what you are looking for are photos of pussy lumps on the roof of my mouth–and you are welcome to them.-your friend, SafeTinspector
Foul sub-human, Rich:
Kindly supply me with all of the interim signs of impending zombie-hood. I’d like to turn it into a laminated index card.
Sweet Savanna,
I must confess it was pulled from the archives. Probably a year or two old. Neither I, the beard, nor the office I stand in are the same anymore. I now sport a sporting fu-manchu and live in a small temple on a secluded hillside where I battle a badger and a white wolf on a nightly basis for the fate of my very soul.
yours in no meaningful way, SafeTinspector.
My charming dear Safe Tea Inspector -
But see, that’s the thing. When I first arrived here, and stepped off the gangplank of the boat that carried me across the churning oceans for nigh-on six months, I never expected to find so many Tim Hortons’s practically everywhere you turn. It was at that point that I gave up my dream of becoming a rollerskating certified public accountant, and decided that I would stake my claim in the cut-throat world of throat-cutting. And then I went and had myself a fine donut!
Automatically yours,
Davecat, Esq.
Wow. That’s quite unfortunate. Does this mean you are now super-immune?
ok, i understand, i think. did i tell you i’ve moved? yep, new house, same city. but wait, we talking about you, not me.
fondly/savannah
xoxox
Mr. Cat, David
We regret to inform you that our underwriting department, upon review of your records, has declined to renew your policy. You may qualify for our standard group policies, however, and our agents look forward to speaking with you in that regard.
Tenderly yours,
Greater Hermaphrodite Insurance and Life Group
Savannah savannah,
Savannah savannah; savannah, savannah-savannah savannah. Savannah!
And, of course, we knew of your relocation. We always know where you are.
Lyvvie: I suppose I might be. We’ll see; if I get another case of the dratted disease I’ll know I am definitely not super-immune.
I halfway think its a vitamin deficiency of some kind. I hadn’t been eating much during that time period and while I was taking vitamins, I probably was missing something or other….
Oh I get the wait in the surgery as well. I shake my fist at those people who are in with the doctor for half an hour or more. Don’t they know what’s wrong with them?
maja: They are simply needy. Needy and selfish.
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