The opening group dance, which featured our dancers playing the part of a colony of lycra wearing morlocks, was quite entertaining. Even Toni Basil going on and on about how frickin’ great she was didn’t bring me down. I ran upstairs, found my lycra shirt, and fondled it for the rest of the night. So… so very stretchy.

    Cat was apparently dressed as a Greek goddess while Nigel wore an actual leather jacket, both of which pleased me. I wrung my lycra shirt and waited patiently for the bloody eliminations to begin…

    Katee up first! Of course she’s safe, I think. Tonight is the night we lose Comfort… right?

    Next up was Will. I don’t like him, but doubt he’s on the way out regardless of his James Brown’s Zombie solo from the night before. He’s in the bottom two, but something tells me its going to be Mark, the “quirky” boy, saying goodbye this evening.

    Comfort is on her way out to feel my hate! Yeah, Comfort, you bottom dweller, get off the stage. It’s time to say goodbye to…

    Mark! Not as tight on those ba-ba-ba-ba! moves, says Nigel, and that’s probably why he’s probably in the bottom this week. I like Mark much better than Will, but something tells me Will is coming back next week. But.. but, he’s SAFE?!? Oh, man! That means Will is going home for sure!

    Chelsie, who somehow avoided being called ‘tomboy’ this week, reaped video package praise before being told she was, of course, safe. Too bad for Courtney.

    Twitch, who danced around a door with a chain-wallet of doom last night, learned that he was not only more “real” than “real” broadway dancers but that we was, indeed, in the bottom. Twitch was not only surprised, he was apparently devastated! Don’t worry, man, Will can’t beat you! You’ll not go back to Korea if we had anything to say about it.

    Joshua, who can’t possibly be in jeapardy for reasons both logical and mathematical, walked out to get his heaping helping of ass-kissing for his lift-tastic disco last night and walked off to rest up for next week.

    Poor Courtney, walk your walk of unfortunate shame over to our greek-ish Cat. We get to hear Mary misuse the overplayed “punked” adjective again. It’s alright, Courtney, Mary will get a chance to annoy you next week as well…

    A Pas De Deux for intermission? That girl is a robot, I’m telling you. A ballet-bot! Or perhaps a Roballet. Some sort of machine intended to be all grace–all grace!!! Its like a swiss army knife mixed with an ocelot, I tell you.

    Tonight’s “Snuggle” happy dance collection caused me to vomit into my lycra shirt. Next time, less butter on my ham.

    Solo Time!

• Comfort –sucked, with the exception of her navel.
• Will –loves stairs in a way most people will never know love. Why does America hate on WIll? The unsaid is that its because YOU, Nigel, keep ramming him down our throats.
• Courtney –seemed like she was in a hurry.
• Twitch — Why are his solos always so good? My vomit soaked lycra drops to the floor alongside my jaw.

Intermission 2!
    L.L. Cool J and Toni Basil have something in common: Geritol. And, well, I don’t recall the American dream to be quite such a googly chubster. Where’s my apple pie, you little…. fat… man. Wait, what was that about Justin Timberlake?
No, LL, I’m not jumpin, because Simon didn’t say.

Which girl?
    Comfort! You can pack your saucy hats and get on off that stage. You can draw solace from the fact that its not everyone who gets to be sent home twice; no, its just you.

Which guy?
    Will, you fancy pants, go on home! Seriously, there was no doubt Will was the most technically capable dancer on the show after the early elimination of one gentleman for doing too many “tricks”. But the constant harping on his awesomeness coupled with his lack of personality laid him low.

Good night!