An Idiot on his Motorcycle
I snapped this picture with my cell phone while Heather was driving 65mph (104kph) on I94. This fellow passed us by while riding his bike at a rate of at least 70mph (112kph), doing a wheelie the entire time. He continued this wheelie for about three miles (about five kilometers).
Normally, I would not advocate this sort of behavior. The obvious downside of three-mile-long-wheelies at seventy miles per hour is that for remarkably little benefit one risks an accident which, at this speed, would present an almost certain death and an extremely embarrassing obituary.
Seriously, how exactly can one spin “death by self-inflicted idiocy” into a positive epigram?
Dick Richards, Age 23, died May 21:
Mercifully taken by fate before he could breed, proving that Darwin still has a weak hold on the eventual fate of humanity despite our best efforts to thwart him.
Was survived by his three idiot brothers who will hopefully die in similarly amusing circumstances before they can pass on their dubious genetic inheritance.
See? Every coffin has a silver lining*.
Which is why I wholeheartedly approve of this stunt, purely for its comedic potential. Sure, his motorcycle might do some flips and take out a family of orphans in a minivan heading to get adopted by rich, kind-hearted philanthropists and I guess that would paint a layer of thick pathos to the story. But I choose to assume that the only damage he would do to anybody else would by the trauma of seeing his pitifully wrecked corpse go tumbling by the family roadsters and their horrified occupants. If nothing else, it’ll give them something to talk about over the dinner table for a change.
* The Undertakers Society of Michigan saw to that. Look it up!
See, now the only way I’d want to see an accident of that magnitude occur (the biker-becoming-mucilage thing, not the bike-wipes-out-big-eyed-orphans thing) would be if I was able to get pics of the resulting carnage. Otherwise I’m not bothered.
To that effect, I believe there aren’t enough shitwicks on motorcycles tempting Mistress Fate with their wheelie tricks, as the odds for the Law of Averages starts getting better the more there are.
Well, it might seem stupid… but as an ex-bike rider who did a lot of stupid things I can say that practising that sort of bike control on relatively flat non-bendy road will actually improve your bike control and, in the event of meeting a family of orphans in a minivan under less than ideal circumstances, will hopefully mean your control of the machine will allow you to avoid disaster.
Personally, I just think you’re upset that Heather refused to drive your car on two wheels in competition with the biker.
DC: shitwicks! I remember those. My dad used them to light our house whenever the electricity went out. Brilliant shit, man!
Rich: I’ll buy practicing wheelies. But why do so at 70 miles per hour on a public freeway?
Should send that pic to the local newspaper for a full disclosure. Oh, and show that there’s not enough patrol cars on the highways. Sure, practice on a private road for balance the highway is not the place for this. Wanker.
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