Good Friday and the Little Spam Jesus
Today was supposed to be a day off for me, but I was on call and spent a large portion of the day working on various emergencies.
At one point I found myself on the phone with a Jewish accountant who was, of course, working today as well. We got to talking about the fact that it was a holiday (and that he would therefore be charged 1.5X normal rate for my assistance) and I idly speculated that Good Friday must be a strange holiday for him because while it has plenty of Christian iconography there is no marketing involved.
The fellow, who I’ve known for many years, found the joke somewhat amusing, but I sensed that his chuckle was a little labored. He probably felt guilty for killing Jesus or something.
I then proceeded to tell him I can’t understand how I’ve been given the day off but there’s no corresponding pile of crap in my way at the drug store.
There are no “Good Friday” candies or stuffed animals. Not even a chocolate crucifix.
Which gave me an idea which I later broached in a conversation with my good friend, DaveCat..
The idea? A chocolate crucifix with tiny Spam Jesus hanging from it!
It could even come with a little toothpick to stab into the side of tiny Spam Jesus after you’ve had him in your house for a few hours. Cherry liquor would then ooze out.
And, late at night, as Good Friday draws to a close, your family could stand around, each of you with your own little spam Jesus, and eat them.
All together, you cry, “Father! Why hast thou forsaken me!”
*Chomp!*
’Course, I don’t think I’d actually be able to eat spam and chocolate in the same bite without vomiting, and Jesus probably wouldn’t want that. Especially since the spam-Jesus-on-a-chocolate-crucifix probably qualifies as Eucharist. So I guess this wasn’t as good an idea as I thought. Its just bad mojo to vomit spam Jesus.
It doesn’t qualify as Eucharist unless you make a sandwich out of it and have a glass of Pinot Noir with it.
I prefer my Christ without alcohol.
Heh, I’ll only take my Christ with alcohol.
There are certain south pacific islands that would have you murdered for implying that spam should be in any other shape than the Brother of Set, Destroyer of Islands, Raiser of Tides, Keeper of Bees, the Grrrreat and Miiiighty boar headed Gyyyyod of Gods, Kerfuffles!
Oh wait… no, that’s only for 20% fat content spam… wait, which can are you using? We wouldn’t want you to have a South Pacific Island Fattywah put on your head.
You would get a Migraine if you ate a chocolate crucifix, unless, of course, it was white chocolate, but then you might have complaints about he authenticity of Jesus’s depiction, as Jesus was more likely to have been of dark skinned arabian stock rather then a lily white caucasian.
Also, I really would not make him out of Spam, as besides the obvious culinary hideousness, you know he was a Jew and they do not even eat pork products, let alone make human figures out of them.
But anyway good luck with your attempt to secululorize Good Friday, I always thought it a rather depressing day. It needs some lightening up.
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