Stupid Super Powers Two: The Operator

Posted on February 6, 2008

heroes

    Heroes is off the air, possibly forever, but I wtill want to talk some more about something they never adequately covered.

    Seems like all the paranormal abilities that were detailed on the show had practical applications.

    Flying, super strength, invisibility, mind control, direct manipulation of space-time(!); all these abilities are really really cool.
If you grow a hand back after sawing it off people are going to be impressed. If you perform a super-sonic fly-by over a crowded intersection folks will take notice. Even the “as-seen-on-TV” girl could use her lame ability to pretty good measure.

    But if these abilities are random mutations, then surely the useless superpowers would outnumber the cool ones by a huge margin.
    After all, for every useful adaptation like opposable thumbs there’s a thousand six-toed dead-ends… with hairy moles.

    Here’s a list of super-powers that wouldn’t really end up getting much screen-time on Heroes:

The Operator:
    Whenever he eats rich food his power takes effect and causes people to dial his phone number up by accident. Only strangers are affected, and the side effect is that he can no longer count above the number 2. In self-defense, he now uses a base 3 numbering system. He no longer trusts anyone who apologizes to him on the phone.

    The Operator might try to fight crime by answering his phone in front of a criminal and then violently arguing with the confused party on the other end about American Idol.