I half-heard the radio tell me,
“Fertility and Agility: Pontiac”

There’s a transparency to this sort of advertising campaign; I find it refreshing.

    I know, all of the car companies like to imply that my automobile purchase/lease will have a direct and pronounced effect on my sex life. They never stop to consider the contents of the glove-box when making these bold and hasty claims.

    One gander at my collection of Unspeakable Decay, auto maintenance schedule booklet and tire-pressure gauge is enough to throw my potential mate into rabid, frenzied fury as she tramples the crowd in a mad rush towards my waiting and rubbery arms–slick as they are with both wet sweat and dry sweat in my fertile and agile car. Both she and I are augmented agilitudinally and that’s what Pontiac intended.

    Do you think it would work on my wife as well, or is a divorce necessary? If the latter, I’ll stick with Fords. Staid reliability and endurance is more useful in a monogomists bedroom after all.