I’m a bit on the short side and I have a tiny penis; these two facts combine to make it difficult to pick up women from the comfort of my car. Plus I can’t go anywhere without people pointing and staring at me on account of how damn visible I am and I’m getting tired of fighting off the wolves and bears which randomly assault me throughout the day.
If only there were a solution to all my problems that didn’t involve any underhanded ninja techniques.
Oh! But there IS!!!
I hear you say, how will invisibility help you with your inability to pick up chicks while driving around, not to mention your short stature, miniscule penis size, and all those angry animal attacks?”
It covers all those bases and then some. What you are looking at is the most creative item I’ve ever seen for sale on eBay–trust me on this; I once personally attempted to traffic an unholy thing from hell***
According to the seller’s ad-copy, this incredible solution to solving your lamentable visibility problem also comes with two extras which might normally stand alone as worthy of purchase in their own right.
The first, Secrets of Sexual Seduction
promises to teach you, among other things, techniques for “breast and crotch” that involve heat and touch, gorilla tactics for seducing women from your home and car, two distinct cures for baldness, methods for growing 4″-6″ (10cm-15cm) in height, lengthening your penis* and achieving weight loss without diet or exercise.
That takes care of my height, length and attractiveness issues, but I’m still dealing with constant attempts by the local fauna to eat me without proper condiments.
Its a good thing that billwwilliams
also includes his spectacular Wizard’s Book of Animal Secrets
. And, as Bill says, a strong command of animals is the mark
of a wizard. This collection of ancient animal secrets guarantees that soon after purchase you will be able to command wild animals. More specifically, it will help you control flocks of birds, tame wild horses (even after others have tried and failed), and come to know the quiet world of frogs and toads.
Haven’t you ever wanted to keep squirrels in your pocket** or bring dead creatures back to life? With this book you can. You CAN.
Sounds like bullshit, right? Well just LOOK at the customer feedback! Everyone is happy with the product, except for the few that expected invisibility cloaks or magic potions which are specifically excluded in the ad-copy.
BillWilliams, whoever you are (Bill-Bill?), you are a genius. You’ve gotten at least 348 people to pay you $24.95 each for PDF files. At least 28 in the last month, not a small bit of side business to be involved in, even if you really don’t know how to keep a squirrel in your pocket.
* Not applicable to women. No vulva enhancements offered
** To use as scouts, most likely. That’s what I’d use them for.
*** Click here to reveal your damnation!