So I’ve got some extra bits, some leftovers from the last Arth-imation, which might conceivably be interesting to fans–DVD bonus shit, so to speak.

    What Would You Do for an Iceberg Bar marks the first time I’ve used outside voice actors in my animation. SafeTinspector volunteered his vocal chords for the part of the alien and his little girl Sam read for, appropriately enough, the little girl. Before they did, though, I’d already done a little bit of work on the scenes in question. So, feel free to click the following link if you want to see an unfinished version of what the alien could have ended up sounding like.

    SafeT also added a bit to the script, including most of what the alien actually says–my initial version contained none of the pitiful earthling stuff–though I have to take full responsibility for misspelling the word “possess.” Didn’t know possess was misspelled in the ‘toon? Never mind. Forget I brought it up.

    You can also keep an eye open for “Additinal Artwork” in the credits.

    Yeah. Proofreading is for dorks.

    But, anyway, SafeT gave me a bunch of different options for the alien, which were pretty much all funny, but I could only use one, so here’s the rest, in no particular order:
Barney-Style Oop

Morbo Style

Fairies

Double Voice

    SafeT also did a version of the homicidal creep with the reverse Oedipus Complex. His take on the character was a little different than what I went for with mine, but I liked it, so I thought it was worth sharing.
Le Creep

    And, here’s his version of the post-credit blow line:
Lets Talk Peppermint Patties

    Also, there was a whole different cut of the cartoon I did for an animation contest. The rules stipulated a 30-60 second runtime, so I had a lot of cutting out to do. I cut corners everywhere I could. The long version is better, I think, but if you’re interested in hearing my version of the little girl lines, they’re in here. I prefer Sam’s version, myself, but I did my best, for what it’s worth.

    Also, due to popular request (of one person), a completely unrelated zombie picture:

Shopping Zombie, yeah! -ed

Don’t miss he Shopping Carts! Scroll down for more info.
    Lets talk about the made-old explanation of natural and geological history. In this, certain people of faith who think that it is spiritually important to come to a specific conclusion about the creation of the world have posited that one way to make a seven day creation (six plus a one-day vacation, really) seem plausible in the face of scientific evidence to the contrary is to state that God made the world looking old.

    I believe that this is remotely possible, provided you start with the assumption that there is a God and He is an omnipotent being capable of anything conceivable or inconceivable. In this, it could be said that God created the Earth in-situ, in process, like a rolling start.

    In following this theory, I might then conclude that all events that apparently happened prior to the act of creation are therefore synthetic, and manufactured. God is omnipotent, however, so His manufactured history is 100% convincing in all the ways we as lowly humans can ever perceive. So the only one who could possibly tell the difference between the manufactured history and the real history is God Himself.

    As a matter of fact, this could mean that God created the universe three minutes ago, including all of our memories up to this very moment. How could we ever know? My car, contrary to the evidence provided me by Ford Motor Credit, may be brand new and my bowels may be full of food I never really ate but only think I did.

    Ah, but that is getting ahead of ourselves. Lets go back to God having created the Earth about six thousand years ago sporting a stylishly lived-in look. If true, then scientists have no choice but to use the evidence and phenomena presented by God’s manufactured reality in their quest to find answers and make predictions about the world around us. They must operate within the system set up for us by God. God seems to have made the artificial history completely seamless and predictive, and therefore removed the necessity of believing in his act of creation, an act for which he carefully provided us with no evidence.

    That is, if He did such a thing so very effectively, then He effectively did no such thing at all.

    With this, I think it is possible to believe in a seven day creation, and it is possible to believe that there was no seven day creation and both are not disprovable and can be valid paths to their adherents, though I am not among them, and fail to see the spiritual necessity of holding onto either concept. Why would the salvation through the love of Jesus require that we believe in a supposed seven day creation? (Well, six plus the aforementioned one-day vacation)

    But what if you believe that all of time, past and future, may have already been about to be existing all along? What if all of time was always created because it was all created at once?

Looking for the new Arth’toon? Scroll down for the latest incredible animation from Arthbard, my bestest blogmate ever.
    Greetings, fellow spotters. Its been an exciting year for Shopping Carts* in SouthEast Michigan, with both weather and economic conditions proving to have been the perfect breeding conditions for most breeds, really swelling the ranks of cart wobbles*** throughout the entire region. I’m excited to hear from all of you on how your local wobbles have been doing, as well as your diversity reports.

A shopping cart, separated from the flerd, wanders aimlessly.
    The distinct red patina and white rectangular flank markings of this Home Depot Cart catches the early morning light as it carefully navigates the shopping district. A careless human probably led this individual far from his wobble, and he must now rejoin them before he starves to death. The possibility of claiming a $250 gift card provides no comfort to him, as there is very little likelihood that this youthful Home Depot Cart can read English yet.

The last known Chrome A&P Screecher
    Remember, diversity in the wobble is just as important as population count. Many breeds have died out over the years, and the cart-spotting community still mourns the loss of the great Chrome A&P Screecher. There was some hope that a new colony could be established when one of the majestic beasts was spotted living in the wilds of the Star Gratiot Shopping Center. But a mate couldn’t be found in time, and without a breeding pair this proud and lonely trolly died as the apparent last of his kind.

An adult Marshalls cart and young
    Here you see the mother Marshalls cart hovering protectively over her tender young. The bright red coat of the young male will eventually darken as he reaches adulthood, but for now serves to help his mother spot him should he become separated from the wobble. At this age he is almost completely dependent on convenience item shopping.

The bizarre behavior of the Chrome Vegas Food Mart wobble
    Here we have the perplexing phenomenon of the Vegas Food Mart, in which the entire wobble was photographed pointing their muzzles at the sky, laying in a nearly endless line. The only evidence as to the purpose of this congregation may lie in the two crumpled sales circulars and one soiled condom found wound around the lead cart’s right-front wheel. The entire wobble lay like this for about six hours, eventually dispersing and going on about their normal shopping patterns.

    Due to an unexplained lack of vision, this sentence should now serve as the concluding paragraph of this article.

* Trollies for our UK brethren**
** And sistren?
*** Birds have flocks, cows have herds, crows have covens, carts have wobbles.

    If we ever want our little girls to make it in today’s complex society, we need to provide them with polyvinyl roll models that are not only anatomically improbable like Barbie, but combine those exaggerated proportions with a certain level of cock-teasing sluttiness.
Look no farther, for here is “Juicy Bling”:

Juicy Bling, the Slut Training doll by Mattel

    No, this isn’t Bratz. This is the Barbie take on the Bratz concept, and is made by Mattel for your discerning future rainbow-party* participant.

* You don’t know what a rainbow party is? I’m not so sure they really happen, but read this Wiki article. Its good, clean fun!

If you’ve never read it, then it is new to you

A little history lesson for you.
     On the 4th of July in 1776 America declared independence from our oppressive colonial masters. The surviving humans of the North American slave colony of New Jersey discovered, with the help of Ben Franklin and then time-traveling Theodore Roosevelt, the fatal weakness of our alien masters, the D’Aret Krang.
     Yes, Ben Franklin discovered that the D’Aret Krang, a race of beings so genetically pure that they share a single set of chromosomes, collectively suffered from a genetic propensity for epileptic seizures when exposed to bright, flashing lights.
     Theodore Roosevelt’s time-travel machine had only one seat and he was thus unable to pick up Thomas Edison due to Tom’s homophobic fear of sitting on the manly lap of the massive Roosevelt. Without Edison there was scant technology available to the desperate slaves of the time to take advantage of the newly discovered weakness.
     Franklin, however, thanks to his youthful journeys in the orient as a Ronin, Ninja and silk-trader, had an extensive collection of aesthetically pleasing incendiary devices. A deployment of this technology was quickly organized by Paul Revere and Dolly Madison which culminated in a simultaneous detonation of approximately 50 metric tons of saltpeter, gunpowder, and ‘fireworks.’
     As the D’Aret Krang fell as one to the ground in a jiggly, hooting mass of alien flesh, George Washington and Nathaniel Hawthorn led bands of men in dragging our quivering former-masters into the very space craft that brought us the hateful overlords. They then programmed the ships to dive into the sun, and America celebrated as the fleet of invaders burnt itself to cinders in the heliosphere if our favorite star, Sol.
     So join us in celebrating our victory, planet Earth! Thanks to our American forefathers (and a time-traveling Teddy) humans have been free to oppress themselves in peace ever since.

FREEDOM IS OURS! -peace out.

Samantha is six years old, four foot tall, and now has shorter hair.

    ”C’mon, Sam! We’re going out,” said Heather.
    ”Wait,” I said, “where are you going?” Heather stood in the kitchen, purse already slung over her shoulder and sunglasses upon her face.
    ”Not telling you,” she told me as Sam put on her shoes, “Its a surprise!”
    Well, it sure was! Look at the HAIR! Short, but really very cute. This is the shortest her hair has been since she was three, and what a difference.
Here’s a before and after:
Before

After