You’ve all made it clear that my left foot is probably a subject best left unattended, regardless of how important it is to me. Upon sober reflection, I’ve come to agree with you, although I’m interested in any suggestions as to how to remedy the situation.
    Topical solutions didn’t help, even with aloe vera and lye. The fragrant result might have been more interesting to smell but I still beat the left foot at checkers three out of three times*.
    In any case, I’d like to turn your attention to my right foot. Please examine the included photograph before considering your response.

* I kinged it once by accident, having lost my balance somewhere around the third turn. At that time I obtained a bean-bag chair for additional stability, moving the checkerboard to the top of a rough wooden sheet of plywood which had been exiled to the garage for political reasons.