-20 Degrees Celcius
I’m just glad I had one of those cosmic codpieces Arthbard came up with installed in the fall. (Arthbard is pictured here with his original prototype. Mine is even BIGGER!) At the time, I kinda felt it was an extravagant luxury. Uncomfortably heavy, my genitals were always a bit too warm, and sex became a tricky twelve step process (not including the two or three minutes of actual copulation).
Gouts of mighty steam erupt forth from my nether regions as I walk the dog, enveloping me in a moist and warm–yet cloying–embrace. As the radioactive water vapor settles in my beard and mustache, it immediately frosts over, making me feel a little more like Santa with each step. I stop at a cross-walk, and soon my codpiece reduces the visibility to about 6 feet, preventing motorists from seeing the signal lights. My crotch then assumes its mantle as the bringer of steel death as cars, already slipping and sliding on the icy road, smack into one another with temporarily blissful–and suddenly torturous–abandon.
But its all worth it! My body warms from between my legs outward, and birds alight upon my metallic bulge, seeking to thaw their tiny frozen wings. They chirp happily from within my obscurant cloud, ignoring the screams and creaky crashing as effectively as I and my dog.
Here’s to a LONG winter, baby!
I remember the last time it was this cold; it was during the heady early Nineties, back before grunge walked the earth. I was on the Wayne state campus, meeting a mate of mine, and on the cusp of a cold, as my nose had been running. We met outside of our cars, parked just off Woodward, and chatted for a few minutes. I recall it being so bitterly cold out, that the snot in my nose was actually freezing.
I know I’ve stated on several occasions that I prefer being cold to sweating, but this is taking things to extremes.
Brilliant. prefer you in humour mode
My Gosh, that’s funnier then hell!! Walking around here at Venice Beach, CA. (home to many weirdos.)I can imagine it.
I think you need a blinker on it, SafeT, to guide you through the mire of your own hawtness. Nothing that might erroneously guide aircraft into your groin though. I doubt you’re insured for that type of accident.
As I lie here most sad and miserable and staring out my window at the most boring neighbors in the world, it occurs to me you would be a lot of fun to watch leaving little puffs of steam behind you as you and your magical codpiece ramble down the street.
dc:I think at that time I was working at Sears. There was a coffee kiosk near the back door and employees would congregate there occasionally. Whenever the doors would open a puff of frigid air would rush up the women’s dresses and illicit an unaffected and heartfelt groan of physical pain.
l>t:But can you imagine -20 degrees celcius in Venice Beach?
Sam, PCB:Strangely enough, I had just that discussion with my insurance agent a month ago.
Rayne:I will take that as a compliment.
not with a tin can on my crotch.
I want one………where’s the cod shop
Damn, I need one of those dohickys. Do they have a female fitted piece?
l>t: No, of course not with a tin can on your crotch. That’s more what you’d call summer wear than anything else.
Confucious: You’ll need to get fitted. Quite specific, these.
Bab: I think the female version is an IUD.
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