Upon logging in this evening I was ambushed by Blogger. It forced me to move SafeTinspector main blog to the new blogger system, and… what can I say? The editor still erases nbsp’s between the html and wysiwyg modes, so I still seethe. Seethe at its filthy, filthy shortcomings.
    Unlike teething, seething is not only my default state, but will never result in ruptured gums, or raptured gums for that matter. If my gums get sent straight to heaven, leaving the rest of me to toil away in global warfare, then I guess my hypothetical angelic commander will have to deal with my reluctance to bite our tenacious foes in holy combat.
    I.. want.. more.. teeth.. f*@ker.
    My brother came to call once upon a Sunday and together we lofted the microwave no less than 18 minutes; a microwave which had lived troll-like near the cat litter in the basement for a year. The cabinet above its final destination also had a shortcoming which took the form of an elongated form ill-suited to the task of fitting saucepans beneath the form of the aforementioned microwave oven.
    I can’t see myself owning a stove solely dedicated to pancake production, and THIS is why the microwave had lived, troll-like, next to the kitty litter in the basement.
    But with his meticulous, methodical, engineering brain he reduced me to an indentured porter and feverishly modified my kitchen. This all happened this past Sunday, the once upon that I onced mentioned. And the kitty litter sleeps alone, tonight.
    Christmahanukkwanzadan is almost here! Christmahanukkwanzadan is the amalgamated holiday which celebrates the time when our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ’s birthday candles seemed preternaturally fuel-efficient, unpleasantly illuminating his divinely flabby body for hours on end. This prompted him to wallow in self-disgust until a lengthy telegram exchange with his pen-pal, Mohamed, who had found great success through fasting, drove Jesus to refrain from eating anything from sun-up to sun-down for a whole month. Afterwards, the starving and delirious Son of God poured libations and hosted a feast in which he spoke at length of the seven principals of blackness, though some witnesses to the event spoke to the fact that Jesus was not actually of African origin, but was instead Jewish.
    Whatever, I got some egg-nog, and any day I can mix raw eggs with booze under the auspices of a state sanctioned holiday is a good day indeed.