400 and the Random Crap Continues
This is the 400th post for the SafeTinspector blog. A certain number of the preceding 399 posts were merely announcements and the last month or two have been a joint effort between Arthbard and myself. That leaves the lion’s share of the posts for which I continue to feel deep and abiding shame and regret. Read on to learn why–and how!–I intend to continue this longstanding tradition of uncomfortable twitching.
 A lady working at a mental health agency I frequent (in a professional capacity, I assure you) once confided in me that she routinely carried several dozen condoms and an equal number of dildos in her purse. Apparently she is responsible for training women on the safe use of condoms, penises and sex toys. Until that moment, I’d never really thought about the hygiene implications of sharing sex toys. But I was told that any disease a penis can carry can also hitch a ride on a semi-firm shaft of electric blue translucent polyurethane. It was then that I remembered my teenage years, during which I frequented an Italian barber (in a professional capacity, I assure you) to polish my flat-top. Vito kept his combs squeaky clean, and this memory provided me with the following ideal solution for toy sanitation. After removing your dildo from whichever oriface it might currently be lodged within, simply place it in a jar of Barbicide for no less than ten minutes before reuse1. Problem solved, and thank you SafeTinspector! |
 I’m a heavy-set fellow, and I’ve finally figured out why people prefer thin humans for mates and friends over fat people. Its a matter of softness.People are like like hair. When you group a bunch of thick, course humans together and then stroke them with your hand like a kitty-cat, you find that the group feels like wool, or perhaps a berber carpet. But when you group a bunch of thin, wispy people together they become fur. Very soft when you run your hands through them, like a silky-haired guinnea pig or well-brushed persian cat. Next time you see a bunch of thin people standing close to one another, run over and rub across the top of them with your face or arms and marvel at how soft and cuddly the crowd is. |
This is the third week that my laptop has been running SUSE Linux 10.1, and its quite nice, especially the amazing XGL 3-D desktop.
Linux is a community-based operating system, although SUSE is a corporate product currently owned by the venerable networking software company, Novell2. We here at SafeTinspector are excited to be on the periphery of the Linux movement. Speaking of community movements, meet the talented people behind SafeTinspector:
Happy 400th from the SafeTinspector staff and family
We all hope you enjoyed the 400th post of SafeTinspector (with ArthBard, a loosely affiliated rival group operating out of Sandusky, Ohio. Fuck them.) Come back any time.
1 – For speed and convenience, you may want to keep a rotation of several sex toys in the Barbicide jar at all times.
2 – SafeTinspector is ashamed to admit to being one of the last Novell experts in Southeast Michigan. Every day brings my value closer to that of a Taco Bell assistant night-manager’s helper.
Hmmm well, thanks for all those tidbits of information. 400 posts? you’ve been on blog since may 2005 & you have 400 posts already? wow! that’s alot!
BTW, haven’t seen any “Closure” for a while???
Congrats on the 400 post thingy… shame there aren’t more Closure episodes amongst them (ahem!).
As a child I was tried for Barbicide. It was later revealed that it was my He-Man figure, Skeletor, who had indeed decapitated all those Barbies. He was remanded to my parents closet for the remainder of my childhood.
Keep up the Good work SafeT & Crew & Arthbard & loosely affiliated rival group.
Happy 400th SAFE-T. God you are getting old!! Just look at yourself!
Happy 975 posts, SafeT! Has it really been that long? Hell, I remember when you couldn’t even spell ‘blog’. Now look at you.
975 posts, and no sign of stopping! Apart from the fact that no-one seems to know what happened to posts 401 – 974. *shrug* Eh.
Good job!
I’m gonna make a big biscuit in celebration.
I’m eating Turkish Delight in celebration, Safe T and Arthbard.
400th? I don’t believe you ever sleep, SafeT.
I’m wondering about Closure too. Is there another installment in the works?
Hope you had a nice Thanksgiving chums.
Congratulations on 4oo posts…and thank you for the invaluable tips on keeping sex toys safe and hygienic…..purely as a matter of scientififc interest – does Barbicide have any adverse effects on fruit or vegetables……..?
You’re right about people being like hair, SafeT. Some people require a good spraying with something to make them behave decently. I’ve been Christmas shopping on Black Friday where normally decent people everywhere morph into intolerant, impatient hard-nosed consumers who demand their rights with a cash rebate.
l>t: Not as many as all that. Like I said, there were announcements sometimes, and Arthbard wrote some. It still works out to less than one a day.
Rich:as a young lad, I grew to believe that the natural state of a Barbie was headless, naked, in a pile next to the toilette. For some reason, the sisters of most of my friends stored them thusly.
PJ: I’m 34, and I feel it.
DC:How is it there in the future? Have they discontinued Pepsi Jazz cola?
Jagd: Dip it in hot coffee or, barring that, tea for me. That’s how I would’ve wanted it.
Sam:There’s a Closure episode half-written, and the outline is complete to the end of the series. Things have been rough, and I’ve not been able to get it done. I can’t even find Arth….
Confucious: On vegetables? Shit, it probably has a deleterious effect on dildos and soft tissue! These are technical challenges I’ve yet to surmount.
Sam: I did the all-night thing at a local Best Buy to score an extremely inexpensive video camera (to replace the one Sam broke through deceleration trauma earlier this year). Everyone was very nice.
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