Ore Ida, famous for “Tater Tots” and various other potato-related products, manufactures something called “Easy Fries.” These are French fries (or “Freedom fries” as some of the more jingoistic amongst us would have had them called a couple of years ago) that are kept in the freezer until ready for preparation, at which point they are microwaved “to crispy perfection in just 4 minutes.” That’s right. Bachelor food.
    Now, the operable point, here, is easy preparation. This is the selling point of a product like this. The box might as well read, “Get food without cooking.” This is the whole concept, as it were. Okay, sure, you put your “Easy Fries” in the microwave and a couple of minutes later, yes, you do have a reasonable facsimile of a French fry. But, of course, you could always get a better facsimile of a French fry by firing up your fryer and cooking some goddamned French fries. You aren’t buying “Easy Fries” for the fries, though. You’re buying them for the “Easy.” Because you’re lazy bastard.
    Now, generally speaking, the instructions on the back of the Easy Fry box are straightforward enough and not particularly difficult to follow. However, I do have one point I feel should be reiterated to the Ore Ida people: I’m eating microwavable French fries. This clearly indicates that I am a lazy slob. As a lazy slob, I therefore resent the fact that I’m asked to line up my French fries like an anal retentive bastard:

    What obsessive-compulsive asshole came up with that step? Is Martha Stewart writing instructions for microwavable foods, now?