Since ancient times, man has longed to know the secret of successful comedy, that simple formula for producing jokes of the most humorous nature. Though progress was made and many theories have been put forth, this goal has long been considered unattainable due to the complete absence of any kind of scientific evaluation of the subject.

    At least … Until now.

    Welcome, then, to The North American Scatalogical Institute¹, where we’ve subjected the basest, most puerile, and ultimately most utterly hilarious comedy to strict analysis. In doing so, we’ve discovered that not only does man possess the potential for absolute comedy, but that absolute comedy is actually contained directly within his own body! –Particularly in those organs concerned with waste evacuation and sexual reproduction.

    With this knowledge, the need for puns, parody, and especially thoughtful satire is largely diminished, if not rendered wholly unnecessary. Ultimate comedy, our humorologists have determined, can thus be contained in three basic categories:

1. scrotal/vaginal
2. rectal/fecal and
3. boobular

    In some instances, the oral cavity can act as an unofficial fourth category due to its ability to produce funny substances –like saliva and vomit– and its proficiency at uttering entertaining noises –like burps or imitations of a rectum.
    However, in most cases, mouth humor pales in comparison to the three official categories and, in fact, is largely at its best when used in conjunction with those other more purely humorous categories. For example: a mouth, in itself, contains very little of a humorous nature. However, combined with anything of the form scrotal/vaginal, rectal/fecal, or boobular, instant comedy is almost always assured.
    With this in mind, the category of oral exists in a sort of a phantom zone of comedy, and is not considered to be an official laugh generator. Because of the intricacies involved, its usage is recommended only to experienced humorologists, and even then only in a limited capacity.

    There is more to comedy than simply memorizing categories, however. For example: the sound a butt makes–while certainly hilarious–begins to dim somewhat over, say, the course of a ninety-minute-long session of pure butt comedy. Therefore, we find it necessary for the application of advanced laughematics. With laughematics, we can take a theoretical joke and represent it as a series of distinct numbers and variables. Take the following expression:

    2IT+6.5(P+R).

    The symbols ‘P’ and ‘R’ are held to be constants, representing penis and rectum, respectively. ‘IT’ is laughematics shorthand for injured testicles. With a series of simple calculations, we find that 2IT+6.5(P+R)=H⁷ or, in plain English, a scene of penis-rectum penetration of 6.5 explicitness culminating in 2 injured testicles results in a humor quotient of the seventh degree. Furthermore, with simple laugh-algebra, we can take the following equation:

    (R/F)+x=H¹⁰

    We solve for the variable x, where x represents the part of the body necessary to be defecated upon in order to achieve a 10-degree humor quotient. In so doing, we discover the face to be the most humorous part of the body to be hit with poo.

    It is with laughematics that we can better determine the necessary ratio of scrotal:rectal:boobular comedy required for utmost hilarity. With more intricate laughematics and the more advanced laugh-calculus, we can even successfully balance the humor-level of a full-length Hollywood movie. In fact, this method has been in use for some time and was employed with a high level of success in Nutty Professor 2: The Klumps.

    The North American Scatalogical Institute:¹ Paving the roads of tomorrow’s humor, today!

1 Now accepting applications.