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The Disappearing Dumb Polack

    The Polish people of Detroit are numerous, though their blood’s been diluted by intermingling with our inferior American race(s?).

    Now, try as they might, its all they can do to muster the energy to eat sauerkraut dumplings and wolf their so-called ‘kielbasa.’

    Even so, they are beautiful to behold. Impeccably dressed, walking amongst us with a self-assurance borne of an innate racial defiance of racial stereotype.

    My brother, ostensibly a full-blooded Pole, is an apparent Aryan through some accident of genetic combination. Tall, blonde and blue-eyed, he’s a design engineer by trade and training; he lives well. He is neat and tidy, smelling faintly of soap and cheese1.

    This leads to my favorite part of the Pole legend hereabouts: potato and cheese dumplings2.

1 – Specific to encounters with my brother shortly after eating cheese.
2 – Some would say the toxic, jelly donut-like confection called paczki* is the most mysterious and frightening of the Detroit Polish legends. They say that if you gently smear one across your face and then chant “bloody Marzena” three times into a mirror after midnight, you’ll see an idiot looking back at you.
* – Pronounced poonch-key for no apparent reason.
Posted in Uncategorized by SafeTinspector on September 22nd, 2006  |  11 comments

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Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said on September 23rd, 2006

What’s a pierogi then? Did I dream them? Did I just make them up just now?

Damn, I knew I should have had a drink tonight. These existential pierogi questions demand hard beverages. And if anyone asks about Cornish pasties – fugeddaboudit.

Dr Maroon said on September 23rd, 2006

Waituminute! This is recycled from another place. I also disagree entirely with your nationals theory.
Were you born in Poland or of Polish parents? Thought not.

I love that about Americans. I’ve met so many that say things like
“Of course, I may be from Toledo, but I’m true Scatch.”
“No, Really?” I ask in amazement.
“Gee sure! My ancestors were from Largs, They made the ice cream on the Santa Maria for Columbus.”
Everyone says the New Yoik Police are Irish and sure enough they’ve all got red red hair and freckles, but to me they look like westcoasters to a man.

I rests my case, and don’t come any clever stuff about bread dumplings and cabbage soup and all that I stay outside Perth which has a big Polish fraction in the population (ie they are decended from Poles who came over during the war) so I can out Pole you anytime brother. Goldenwasser the lot. There’s a Polish War Grave in Perth, it’s in a very fine cemetary actually. They flew fighters from Britain you know and there was a big contingent at Normandy on D-Day, and some in the 51st Highland Division too. Christ.
My football team, the wonderful Celtic FC see here; http://www.stadiumguide.com/celticpark.htm

has a Polish international as its top goalscorer last season Magic Zurawski. see here: http://www.laceltic.com/celticteam2.htm

Don’t you find it odd that there is a Los Angeles Celtic Supporters Club?

I Do. Anyhoo, nice to speak at you again old friend.

Best regards to you and yours,

Maroon.

Foot Eater said on September 23rd, 2006

This journalist is at the Olympics and going round and interviewing athletes. He stops one fellow and says, ‘Excuse me, are you a pole vaulter?’ The man says, ‘No, I am German, but how did you know my name was Walter?’

SafeTinspector said on September 23rd, 2006

Sam:I didn’t name the dumplings, but they are indeed pierogi.

Dr.M: My brother Gerald’s mother was a Polish immigrant. His father (my step father) was borne of a Polish immigrant mother and a father who was in turn the son of Polish immigrants. There was much Polish food in our home, and his last name is Respondek. Much of Detroit is populated with members of the Polish diaspara(sp?). Also represented in sizable minorities are Chaldeans, Iranians, Iraqis, Lebanese and Greeks. We have very few Mexicans, a fact which sets us apart from many other North American cities. I, myself, have the blood of far too many nations bloods in me to claim any one heritage, although there’s a bit more Croatian in me than anything else.
Of course, Dr. M, we are talking about genetic nationality and what few vestiges of cultural clap-trappings we’ve brought with us. On average, after about three generations the American has lost just about all associations with their ancestral homes.
Whats it all mean? Not much. Yes, I recycled my comment to your post as a post here. I felt the idea to be large enough to bore everyone else with as well. You’ll note I’ve expanded it ever-so-slightly.
Oh, and I love you, too.

Foot:A good one! Well, an amusing one at any rate.

Dr Maroon said on September 23rd, 2006

Croatian? You’re kidding. Anyway I was not trying to insult, my point was that Americans are American and should be happy with that. Please give my regards to your Polish relatives.
Did you look at the Los Angeles Celtic site? Now that IS weird.

L>T said on September 24th, 2006

We used to have some neighbors that fed us those potato dumpling things. I liked them(the dumplings & the neighbors) but, I didn’t know they were Polish. I just thought it was a East Coast thing(they were from N.Y.) that’s pretty foreign to us West Coast hillbillys.

Not much ethnicity(?)here. Just various shades of the flesh tone.

Rich said on September 24th, 2006

Kielbasa, Pierogi and Vodka! Mmmm!
Two of my bestest friends are Poles and my girlfriend is Hungarian. I’ve never met a drunk Polack I didn’t like.

SafeTinspector said on September 24th, 2006

Dr. M:Indeed, my grandfather’s lastname was anglicized as “Starcevic”, and I understand it was originally pronounced as “Stare-ah-shevick,” though we always pronounced it as “Star-seh-vick”.

l>t:What were their names? Perhaps they were some other culture’s potato dumplings. Were there any with saurkraut?

Rich:I like ‘em sober, but not the one’s in the construction trade. Those guys are mean.

L>T said on September 25th, 2006

Gosh, I can’t remember their last name.I’m thinking it ended in “ski” though. They were a cute old couple(they are both dead now)Now that I think of it they were from New Jersey. Funny east coast accents. I don’t remember any saurkraut.

shoopska said on September 25th, 2006

How odd that on the weekend I went to one of the half dozen Polish shops here in Cork, bought me some pierogi and cooked em up for my friends, you should write about the very same thing.

I’m one of them full-blood, born in Poland Poles (though brought up in Australia) and for me, the potato & cheese pierogi just sum up everything I love about my homeland. Butter and potato and all sorts of fried up fatty heavenly deliciousness…

In fact, I spent three weeks in Poland last year growing a lovely round pierogi belly. Ah, the memories…

Kieran said on September 25th, 2006

You Jonny Foreigners, you are so quaint.

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