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Soaked and Squid


    We effectively disabled the Samantha creature. It took approximately six hours at an indoor waterpark called “Castaway Bay,” but the results speak for themselves. She passed out approximately five minutes after being strapped into her transport chair within the family vehicular motivation unit.
    I took Monday off of work with the intent of visiting a regional amusement park known as Cedar Point. Rain forced my hand and we redirected to the aforementioned waterpark, where I sadistically saturated the entire family with chlorinated water. HA HA HA HA!
    Some highlights of the trip:

  • Fighting the large squid*
  • Sucking the peanut butter out of the squid’s suction cups.
  • Filing paperwork registering a formal apology to the large squid.
  • Visiting a local supermarket (Kroger’s SuperCenter) and procuring replacement peanut butter
  • Maliciously subsituting crunchy peanut butter for the original smooth peanut butter, irritating the large squid’s sensitive suction cups.
  • Visiting local seafood restaurant and sampling calamari, delivering heartfelt toast to large squid.**

* Don’t worry, they filed its beak an filled the suction cups with peanut butter. Skilled wrestlers eat the peanut butter….
** All while Samantha was sleeping in the motivational unit.
*** Yeah, that’s a picture of an anthropomorphic octopus. Wanna make something of it?
**** Closure? Well, I posted Part 24 a few days ago. Bananas Gorilla returns and proves to be…sortof helpful.

Posted in Uncategorized by SafeTinspector on August 30th, 2006  |  6 comments

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Foot Eater said on August 30th, 2006

If you were going to get wet anyway, why didn’t you just go to Cedar Point?

SafeTinspector said on August 30th, 2006

Foot:Because it was slightly chilly outside, and many of the amusement park attractions were closed due to “inclement weather”. The indoor waterpark is warm due to the invasion of modernity and its damned centralized heating and cooling.

geezer squeezer! said on August 30th, 2006

aww. gday mate. sexypants is…. fortheloveofrocks.blogspot etc :)

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said on August 30th, 2006

Sam’s got a cup-holder in her car-seat? You guys are posh.

They’re finding these days that young squid are becoming allergic to peanuts in increasing numbers. They say it’s because their mummies are such efficient house-cleaners what with all the arms/legs. Nippers’ immune systems get all out of whack in their consequently overly sterile deep-sea environment. It’s a worry.

Look, I’m not criticizing OK, honest I’m not, but if we all just agreed to THINK a little before we started feeding the water-parks colourful octopi – fibreglass OR rubber – then lives might be saved. There’s nothing worse than have one’s child have to witness an paramedic breaking adrenaline hypodermic after adrenaline hypodermic in an effort to save a creature slipping slowly from this life.

Think of Sam, you well-meaning monster!

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said on August 30th, 2006

Are you and that octopus related by any chance? No? There’s just something about the expression, perhaps around the eyes?

Aha! It’s picture J! Picture J! Scroll down. That’s eerie SafeT. Tell me, do you like sushi? Or does the thought of it repel you in primitive ways you’ve never fully understood?

SafeTinspector said on August 31st, 2006

Geezer!!! Thanks for the URL, but SexyPants sent it to me in an email just hours ago.

Sam, PCB:Funny, the same thing happened to me when I started force-feeding chickens piles and piles of antibiotics. Wierd.
As for the similarity between the octopus and my own mug, I don’t see it. I think you’re reading too much into it.

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