In Line
Looking for Closure? Episode 21 was posted several days ago, which presented a singulary disgusting denouement to the Gail incident.
I’m not against candy, in moderation. Especially chewy candies with bright, pretty colors and enough sugar to power a bio-diesel Yugo*. Last night, however….
Sick with either a small flu or a light case of food poisoning, I found myself gazing at the bright, pretty vericose veins** of a only very slightly overweight citizen who was in the process of attempting to purchase no less than five bags of bulk candies at my local drug store.
I say attempting, because this woman was convinced that one of the bags, currently chock full of ‘Fun Size’ Snickers, was mismarked in the store’s favor. A one-sided yet nonetheless fierce argument was in progress in which the nameless woman’s daughter, a girl who looked about 19 but was wearing pajamas and slippers, was alternatingly supportive and embarrassed by her mum’s antics. The clerk nodded and shrugged in response to the unwelcome stimuli.
I was sleepy, my joints were aching, and I was dangerously close to crapping my pants. I shifted from foot to foot, and looked around. I was next up behind the wonder family, but behind me a nice line had formed of about five prospective customers. There were no other registers open, and this tiny crowd began to grow as restive as my colon.
A manager was summoned. The price was confirmed being correct as marked. Vericose veins and pajamas-at-5 fought for a few additional seconds, just to sour my shopping experience one more notch.
Happily, the woman finally agreed to pay the additional $1US for the Snickers. Receiving her hard-won bags and bags of candy goodness, she immediately handed them all to her daughter who kissed her saying, “thank you mommy!”
Together they left to join their destiny.
I bought my Immodium AD, my nighty-night Tylenol and two-liter bottle of club soda and I wandered off to join my toilette.
* You think I don’t know I’m making no sense? I do know. I know it good.
** In researching this story I found that the woman’s condition is really known as “spider veins”. Since this seemed far less recognizable than vericose, I left the references in the story the way I wrote them: wrong.
Hey, SafeT, remember all that stuff about Swedish Fish? Seems ages ago doesn’t it? Anyway back to the point:
a) Pop or soda?
b) mom or mum?
My favourites in the bulk buy, fun sized stakes are Cadbury (dairy milk, buttons, crunchie etc) selection 5 kg tin, followed by Mackintosh’s, the one with the toffee crisps and jelly tots. Fabulous!
Mars (snickers, bounty milky way et al) are third in my hierarchy.
I think going about in public in your PJs at five o’clock is cool!
You sure know how to paint a pretty picture.
Shortly after the girls were born I found myself in the checkout aisle at the pharmacist’s holding a tube of toothpaste and staring at my slippers, peeking out from beneath my tartan pyjama bottoms. I decided to think of the whispers and stares again only very little and told myself my fellow shoppers will probably think me an eccentric. “Golly, isn’t she simply charming, Mabel!”
I don’t remember but it is also possible I might not have showered for three days. I must have cut a splendid and perhaps slightly whiffy figure.
But I was VERY VERY TIRED INDEED. This proves that expressing milk for two premature babies round the clock is a direct causal factor in the failing to wear clothes when one leaves the house. Others include, having a mother who doesn’t give a rat’s bum, and being mad. Perhaps one of the latter two were what ailed Miss 15.
If only I had remembered about fun-size bars back then, artificial sugar highs might have made me look a little more closely at my dressing skills to detect any impairment in them before I got in my car. But then I would have lost the one and only instance where having such a story might be pertinent to the conversation.
I’ve finally updated. It wasn’t quite what you asked for but, you know, it’s a time thing.
I have never had a vericose vein but I believe that I have a bellicose vein in my neck.
Mmmm….Swedish Fish…..
In the detroit area it is customary to call it ‘pop’, though I usually call it ‘soda-pop’ in order to be clear to everyone I may speak with.
I call my mother ‘Mom’ or ‘Momma’. Never mommey and never mum.
My wife’s Grandmother is English, so her side of the family alternates between mum and mom.
Cadbury makes delicious easter egg shaped cream filled choclates around here. Most of the rest of their products are in the slim minority in the candy aisle.
Mars is the markey dominator with Hershey’s following behind a few paces.
I sleep in boxer briefs. Not suitable for public viewing, considering my 220lb weight. (I was 225 until Monday’s illness)
Sam:I apologize if you were offende by my portrayal of pajama wearing people (PWPs) in my moderately humorous anecdote.
PWPs are a misunderstood and poorly regarded minority in our society, and we should all endeavor to be more tolerant.
Unless they are barefoot. Barefooted PwPs are evil and should be forced to watch reruns of “So You Think You Can Dance”
l>t: Imagine how much worse it was in the flesh.
rich:I’ll stop by tonight!
Binty:I think that vein you are talking about runs straight down the center of your soul.
system all works together. all that bush and co have to sya is that “this will mess u up as much as me” and then they all go along with it
INTERNATIONAL STRANGENESS DAY
Mike: Well, now, that is strange!
check my blog
pyjamas-at-5… lovely.
reminds me of when i was a kid, sometimes i’d not bother getting out of my nightie so i’d end up putting trousers on and stuffing the end of the nightie down inside them. noone ever told me that i was walking round with big bulges round my front and back bottoms that must have looked like i’d had a very unfortunate kind of accident.
i was a lonely child.
(well i wasn’t actually, but it makes a better story doesn’t it!)
Mike, I checked but while I figured out what you were talking about here, I couldn’t find your comment about this post…
Shoopska:No one mentioned? I suppose if you were comfortable, then its all fine.
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