Looking for Closure? Yes, I posted Part 8 yesterday morning. Scroll down to read it and, uh, let me know if you find issues with the prose.
    Part 8 is shaping up to be my least popular episode! Learn why as I compare a large roll of decals to Jesus Christ!
    A new episode is scheduled for a Monday release.

    The odometer rolls along, and another zero appears.
    Your SafeTinspector has posted two hundred and fifty times since 14 May, 2005.
    Two hundred and fifty one, including this post.

    I’d ask you what you think I’ve done right, what I’ve done wrong, and for your selection of five new CD’s for only ONE PENNY when you agree to purchase an easy three CD’s a month at normal club prices for the next three months. Hope you like The Dickies: Stukas Over Disneyland. Its the only album I have right now, and I’ll be breaking the law copying it the requisite three times to fulfill my end of the initial bargain. That’s how much I love you.

    Every time I see a snowmobile or ATV magazine or poster on someone’s cubicle wall I always complain that they don’t seem to have any good mounting points for armaments, and that their defenses seem woefully inadequate. Its my little way of trying to point out the impracticality of these frivolous conveyances. I suppose having a couple around just in case you find yourself navigating post-apocalypse America might be prudent, but I always assume I’ll just steal what I need in that eventuality.
    Ask me about my plans to steal an accordion in case of nuclear war.

    Did I mention I’m not doing segues tonight?

    Have you ever read my first post ever? It’s available off the back-issue rack if you’re trying to complete your collection. If not, on this occasion I choose to repost this following appropo excerpt:

Anyway, I don’t actually believe in blogs. For the average person like myself, a blog is merely a unwarranted piece of self promotion which is completely out of proportion with our place in this world.
I may be important to my wife, daughter, and my mother, but I’m fairly dispensable to the rest of my acquaintances, let alone the public at large for whom I am merely yet another soft-in-the-middle 30-ish white dude with a slightly menacing face.

    I’m almost a year older now. None of the other facts and opinions I stated at that time have changed appreciably. I tend to indent my text now in a way I didn’t then. It makes me feel irritated when I read those old posts. Damn you, younger me, why didn’t you indent like a normal human? And quit having sex with my wife.

    Two bloggers I liked have quit in the last month or so. El Barbudo and Veach Glines. Their reasons are similar, in that they both plead chronic and blog-terminal buziness.
    Rest assured that the only way to get rid of me is to completely and totally ignore me. I know that comes as a relief to those who like me and an inspiration for those who hate me.
    Take comfort in or make use of this data–your choice!

    I hate converted mansions that are being used as office buildings. These creaky old edifices have the worst HVAC systems, and I usually come down with galloping pneumonia from the various temperature, humidity and barometric pressure zones I pass through while traversing the grounds. If it weren’t for my pocket full of Cipro, I fear I’d have succomed to the siren song of the tasteful throw rugs that invariably find their way to the lobby area. If only I could lay there and rest for one minute….but I know I’d never rise again.

    The hair output of my ears is really starting to scale nicely now. Soon only the most hearty flies will be able to force their way into my ear canal to lay their eggs. The rest will die alone with their broken dreams in my forest of kinky ear-hair.

    Is there a better way to die?