Happy at the Thought of Food Delivery
Posted on December 28, 2005
Uncategorized
Going to lunch is a fun activity for all of us humans. Personally, I just love to shove foodstuffs down my gaping maw in order to keep this meat balloon of a body inflated.
I normally pack my lunch in an ascetic and threadbaren way in order to more completely emulate the Pennsylvania Dutch. Most specifically the Mennonites.
It was during my time as a wealthy Assistant Night Manager’s Helper at Cabeza Del Taco that I hired a Mennonite cocktail waitress to refresh my crew of two acne infested Brutmore High students. My crew, Sam Thompson and Tristan Bakersman, were filthy minded little curs when they got a few martinis* in them, and continually attempted to convert the poor girl to Episcopalianism (Church of England for you limey bastards out there). 
It never worked, but we did eventually add Bangers and Mash and various boiled and dry baked things to the menu.
Um…oh, yeah. Lunch. Anyway, occasionally I will be someplace or another at or around the noontime repast and someone will suggest that they may be willing to leave my presence and return with food.
”Hey, I’m running to Cabeza Del Taco!” they might carol out to me and anyone nearby, “Anyone want me to bring anything back?”
”Oh, YES,” I answer; breathlessly, more often than not.
I have a list in my head of my favorite dishes at most of the popular restaurants in the Detroit area.
- RamsHorn: Turkey burger with honey-mustard and side salad
- Big Boy: vegetarial stir fry with Tobasco sauce
- Taco Bell:Tostada Fresco Style and Bean Burrito Fresco style with Cinnamon Twists and Extra Napkins
- Cabeza Del Taco: Extraordinario Especial de la Cabeza Grande del Queso sin el Pato**
- Thai Peppers: Egg Plant Special
- etc, etc, etc,
Anyway, so then I give some moneys to the coworker/client/food courier and return to working. In a few moments it begins to hit me….food is on the way.
Am I alone in getting an extra spring in my step knowing that the food is coming?
Am I the only one who happily anticipates the arrival of lunch in an almost sexual way?
Am I the only one worked into a rampantly salivating frenzy, barely able to contain my nervous movements and involuntary verbal outburts?
Am I the only one who grabs their nearest office mate in a desperate hug, kisses them about the face and neck and urgently whispers in their ear***, “Food’s on it’s way, baby”?
Could I possibly be the only one who offers to remove the elastic from their undergarments in a celebratory act and then proceeds to do so even if the offer is refused?
I can’t be the only one.
* Mennonite martinis are actually comprised of a small part onion essence and some corn syrup. But not high-fructose corn syrup, because that would be sinful.
** Sometimes I get the Conquistador Special, but its a bit rough, what with the added risk of contracting Ghonorrea.
*** I like to brush their ear-lobe with my lower lip whilst whispering. Adds a little something to the whole experience that makes it worth remembering.
Comments
oh the fun we would have if we worked together. we would celebrate the arrival of lunch together.. we would frolic in the parking lot and rejoyce with the receptionist.
i would then make out with him/her in an uncontainable lust for the burrito that would be on it’s way..
yes.. the times we would have.
this made me laugh, possibly the hardest: *** I like to brush their ear-lobe with my lower lip whilst whispering. Adds a little something to the whole experience that makes it worth remembering.
Oh I look forward to every mealtime in a lustful kind of way. I can relate.
happy 2006, SafeT!
Stop thinking about food, you will get fat.
Love it Mr T!! ~ I have to admit, I fantasize about Thai food, ( Usally shrimp, scallops, and some otherstuff combo, can’t recall the name, but dang it’s good, good enough to moan over as you eat it) and about sushi ( though not to moaning point) and even occasionally this really VERY tasty artichokes hearts & garlic chicken sandwich to be had at the little deli ~ I have never tried the lower-lip-ear-lobe-brush before, but it sounds enticing, I might have to give it a go….
Sarah: a kernel of truth to every lie, Sarah. I do love to rub my lower lip on the lobes of strangers. Theoretically, that is. I haven’t actually done so, per se.
Maja:Food is sensual, if not necessarily sexual. Lust is the appropriate reaction.
RHSP:Grazi! And a happy new year to the Papa! Listen, may I call you poppa?
anonymous:Too late!
redhead83402: I like the Pad Thai, Pad Se-Ew, Pad Lard Na, Drunk Noodles, and Pad Pak. And that candied eggplant dish. MMMMMmmmm. Thai food actually causes me to salivate thinking about it.
Artichokes sound good, too.