You may remember that I was taking some tests. Well, I passed last week’s test, and yesterday I passed this week’s test. This means, according to Bill Gates, that I am now a better, more perfect person.
    This last test was closest yet. Score required to pass? 700. SafeTinspector’s score? 700. So SafeTinspector is now, in addition to being a CNE and an ASE, an MCSE. Now on to ABC, 123, U&ME.
    And this despite the fact that, for reasons unknown, the right half of my body decided that Monday was the day it would call a general strike. I would have struck a bargain if I’d been able to figure out which organ was the head of the bargaining unit. Probably that damn liver. Just because it’s my LARGEST internal organ doesn’t mean it should be such a bastard, but I digress.
    My right foot, right hand, and the right half of my tongue all felt as if they were slightly, ever so slightly, numb. Not sure what that’s about, off to see the doctor, eh? I’m better this morning, so I suppose it could be chalked up to being a wild-cat labor action. In for tests Monday, because it would only be Safe to see a doc.

    I made some promises last week, and here’s how it all shook out:
    For those of you who requested that, instead of having your names called out during sex, you would rather have my next bodily function dedicated in your honor, I have a general apology. I ate too much turkey and had an amazing run of flatulance. You’ve all had air bisquits named after you.

• Sarah: Broke wind in your name on Sunday, 3:21pm
• Dr. Maroon: Broke wind in your name on Sunday, 5:06pm
• Vicky H.: Broke wind in your honor at 5:10pm
• afishinjapan: Quite a loud, long, wet sounding one at 6:00pm

Everyone else, bless your hearts, wanted an orgasm out of me. Here is the list so far (with an accompanying illustration of God-knows-what):

• suzie: My Sunday morning shower was yours, baby! Your name shook the walls. Heather, who was in the next room dressing at the time, was puzzled but not suspicious.
• redhead: Same thing, only Monday morning. TGIM!
• dan: This was a little wierd, but you got Monday night’s post-DDR shower activities dedicated to you. My swim team of the moment, on their amazing sewer adventure, all have the name Dan. Every single one of the million or so little buggers. The Million Dans of the Utica Water Treatment Facility! Heather, who was downstairs watching television, never heard your name.
• Lori: Guess what! Tuesday morning, 5:30am, you became the titular head of a swarm of SafeT genetic material on a collision course with adventure. Congrats!
• Scruuw and Red Hot Sexy Poppa: I still owe you guys. Don’t worry, I’m already feeling a little randy.

Kari and El Barbudo: No cheese for you! You know why….