Go check it out!

    You may remember that I was taking some tests. Well, I passed last week’s test, and yesterday I passed this week’s test. This means, according to Bill Gates, that I am now a better, more perfect person.
    This last test was closest yet. Score required to pass? 700. SafeTinspector’s score? 700. So SafeTinspector is now, in addition to being a CNE and an ASE, an MCSE. Now on to ABC, 123, U&ME.
    And this despite the fact that, for reasons unknown, the right half of my body decided that Monday was the day it would call a general strike. I would have struck a bargain if I’d been able to figure out which organ was the head of the bargaining unit. Probably that damn liver. Just because it’s my LARGEST internal organ doesn’t mean it should be such a bastard, but I digress.
    My right foot, right hand, and the right half of my tongue all felt as if they were slightly, ever so slightly, numb. Not sure what that’s about, off to see the doctor, eh? I’m better this morning, so I suppose it could be chalked up to being a wild-cat labor action. In for tests Monday, because it would only be Safe to see a doc.

    I made some promises last week, and here’s how it all shook out:
    For those of you who requested that, instead of having your names called out during sex, you would rather have my next bodily function dedicated in your honor, I have a general apology. I ate too much turkey and had an amazing run of flatulance. You’ve all had air bisquits named after you.

• Sarah: Broke wind in your name on Sunday, 3:21pm
• Dr. Maroon: Broke wind in your name on Sunday, 5:06pm
• Vicky H.: Broke wind in your honor at 5:10pm
• afishinjapan: Quite a loud, long, wet sounding one at 6:00pm

Everyone else, bless your hearts, wanted an orgasm out of me. Here is the list so far (with an accompanying illustration of God-knows-what):

• suzie: My Sunday morning shower was yours, baby! Your name shook the walls. Heather, who was in the next room dressing at the time, was puzzled but not suspicious.
• redhead: Same thing, only Monday morning. TGIM!
• dan: This was a little wierd, but you got Monday night’s post-DDR shower activities dedicated to you. My swim team of the moment, on their amazing sewer adventure, all have the name Dan. Every single one of the million or so little buggers. The Million Dans of the Utica Water Treatment Facility! Heather, who was downstairs watching television, never heard your name.
• Lori: Guess what! Tuesday morning, 5:30am, you became the titular head of a swarm of SafeT genetic material on a collision course with adventure. Congrats!
• Scruuw and Red Hot Sexy Poppa: I still owe you guys. Don’t worry, I’m already feeling a little randy.

Kari and El Barbudo: No cheese for you! You know why….

     That’s right, people, the SafeTinspector Main Blog is now 180 posts old, and snow is once again a facet of my Detroit existance.

     I have a question to ask you, but first some exposition:

     I have had more than one person tell me that I should write for myself first, and not for others. “You should write for you!” is a direct quote one person sent me from their head and fingers one evening. I accepted the quote but not the meaning.

     That is, I write for you. Yeah, I enjoy it, but my purpose on the main blog is to

• Make other people laugh
• Improve my humor writing

     So here are the questions:

• What is working and what isn’t working?
• Is there an aspect of the writing on this blog you wish were played down?
• Is there an aspect you would rather see more of?
• Is there a kind of SafeT writing you like better than others?

    I would absolutely love you if you gave examples as well. In fact, I would go so far as to promise I will call your name out the next time I’m making love*. Optionally I can simply dedicate my next bodily function to you.**

• * Unless you are my Mom.
• ** This may include the love making anyway, if I get busy prior to any other expulsions.

    Click on the image to go to Sam’s blog and see the new stuff!

How does your office deal with the pariah staffer? Every office has one. If you don’t think there’s a pariah in your office then, guess what, it’s you!

Excerpt:

SALLY

I was about to, hush. Well, there was a fellow that had a bag filled with industrial adhesive and he was breathing the fumes and having such a wonderful time. Vinny here said it made the fellow look like a “hot bastard”-

VINNY

-damn straight!

Click HERE to read the rest of the sketch.

    I said, “I love everything in this house!”
    To which she replied, “Do you love your own ass-hole?”
    I thought about this a moment.
    ….hmmm…….
    ”Yes. It does an admirable job of holding in the contents of my bowels until I’m good and ready to be rid of it, and that’s something to be devoutly thankful for.”
    Her reply, “You’re such a dork.”

I have been told these are funny videos.

	I’ve mentioned, in passing, my DDR addiction. Pardon the messiness of my rec room and click on the images to download the dorky videos. They are ‘.MP4′ format and will play in the latest QuickTime viewer. Right-click and save the file before playing it.
I had been 33 years old for one month when I started doing this silly game. I’m pretty late to it, so I may never get much better. Note the slippers and white socks.

I have tried, once, to use a garbage bag filled with styrofoam packing peanuts. If coupled with some shabby clothes and 48 hours sans soap, it becomes an effective “stealth” laptop bag.

	I don’t know why, but I love dreary weather. Further, I like simulated desolation, like the kind pictured above. This is a photo of a street in my neighborhood, early morning after a night of rain. I feel as if, for the moment, I am the only one here.      I drive slowly, with my radio off and my windows rolled down, so I can smell the sweet smell of leaves returning to soil and hear their rustling, restless movement from yard to street to neighbor’s yard. D to B-storm coming:      Decidedly desolate desiduous trees bare their branches before me. Fallen in fall my fortune and time, engine rumbling quitly to itself as each corner passes handlengths away and recedes in the mirror that I should be using more often. My gaze, as I snap my shots, is perpendicular to my path, as the things I pass are more interesting than the things I approach.      Isn’t that always the way of Things?

Oh, and I passed another test.
I promise to be funny tomorrow.

I know, long time no post. Nutso hours as the Ypsilanti (city between Ann Arbor and Detroit) project is in progress and many elements have not gone smoothly.

Here is the musical product. Please click to listen to the Damn Bells… or don’t. It came out well, and is another of my completely improvised pieces. Click on the CD:

The picture shown here is of a tunnel which connects various facilities within the Ypsilanti Community Utilities Authority Waste Water Treatment Plant, where I spent far too much time in the last two days. Click on the pic to enlarge it.