Hard Start Bagman
(Front counter of a fast food restaurant. Jim stands behind counter mopping. There is a speakerbox on the counter. Greg, Hard-Start and Brad enter the restaurant chained together at ankles. Hard-start is in middle. Jim stops mopping to look at the men)
HARD-START
Like to see you walk a mile in my damn shoes, which even Jolt Cola can’t buy! 12 is not 13. Besides, even my pelvis is hungry. Listen to it rumble!
(hands on hips, grinding)
BRAD
Man, I’m so hungry I was thinking of eating Hard-Start’s rat! Besides, we’re WAY ahead of those sheriffs.
GREG
(hissing)
Hard-start!
HARD-START
Hard-Start Bagman!
(smiles attentively)
BRAD
I thought we talked about this, Hard-Start! Me and Greg will do the talking, OK?
GREG
Right, so just stay quiet.
HARD-START
(stops as SOON as Brad calls his name)
I have amazing cosmic powers of silence-got it from an old mystic, they say. Taught to him by the three hair stylists of Cerberus, who were openning up a salon down on fourth street called “Snips N’ Giggles.” I assigned myself a quest that day,
BRAD
Its not that we don’t want to hear what you have to say, because that’s not it at all, HARD-START!
HARD-START
Bagman!
GREG
(tugging chains)
C’mon.
(They proceed to the counter. Hard-Start is mumbling quietly)
BRAD
(excitedly scanning the overhead menu)
Oh, man, I haven’t had Windees since I got busted! Didn’t you just love Windees when you were on the outside?
GREG
Not one of the reasons I craved freedom. I bet the lunch-lady’s used chewing tobacco had more nutritional value… and fewer carcinogens.
HARD-START
Oooooh! Bitch could SPIT!
JIM
Hey, are you guy’s escaped convicts?
HARD-START
We’re selling these fine leather jackets, and each one comes with a noisy pocket. I have this rat named Lenny in my pocket. Would a convict own a rat named Lenny?
BRAD
(incredulously)
What, us? No!
GREG
Whatever gave you that idea?
JIM
The chains. Some of the stuff you guys just said. And, above all, the fluorescent orange stripes up and down your uniforms.
GREG
(looking down at himself)
We’re…
HARD-START
Sock puppets?
GREG
Watching our brother Hard-Start, here.
HARD-START
Hard start bagman!
i want a conversation like this. get me one.
Finally, writing that imitates my life. Maybe I should get of the mushrooms
No! this imitates my life…I am the Parolle…lol…
oops~ parolee
hard start would be a cool name to have though me finks.
how are you safeT?
surely there is nothing wrong with eating rats, so long as they are skinned and burned first….then again, it could be fun picking rat hair out of my teeth…i think i’ll try it sometime…..
trans:Drop a dime on a schizo, works every time.
satan:peyote rhymes with coyote.
scruuw:Do you have a mentally ill man named “Hard-start Bagman” chained to you? Might be fun!
Geezer:You want it? Its yours, Hard-Start!
Mitzzee:Mmmmm….rat hair.
You know… Rats having feelings too and eating them is just not nice.
robin:not THIS rat. He’s a sociopath.
i need a dejavu. Would you mind implanting this in my head….? PLEASE.
RHSP:You can always come back and read it again!
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