|A text conversation with SafeTinspector.||616272XXXX:||Don’t forget we will meet in the e classroom for sam test. The e classroom is in the lower level of the library. Please be on time.||SafeT:||Pardon?||616272XXXX:||What do you mean Fleetwood?||SafeT (now Fleetwood):||I don’t wanna take the sam test. Can I exchange it for a personal favor or extra credit?||616272XXXX:||No. mandatory for all students. No one see your score except teachers.||SafeT-Fleetwood:||I have a personal medical reason not to attend. What do you recommend?||616272XXXX:||What is it. Can you share?||SafeT-Fleetwood:||It is…personal. I have an Inguinal hernia.||616272XXXX:||Ok. We will do it another day.||SafeT-Fleetwood:||Thank you so much. Let me know if there is anything-ANYTHING-I can do to repay you.|
| We adopted Kess at the age of ten months from the Macomb animal shelter at the end of last year.
Her shots were up to date, she was fixed, solidly built and active. Thick, course fur with spots and stripes and a loud, almost Siamese, voice.
Friday, July 19:
Because they can anticipate.
not everything distasteful can be an acquired taste
at times i suspect i am one of these things
you’ll hate em
you’ll hate me
I need you take em
’cause I’m wrong maybe
All my lab accidents lead to super powers that can’t be weaponized. For every “can read minds” or “super strength” there’s a million of us that can “hear the color yellow” or “clairvoyant only regarding the location of hidden turnips.”
There are no known unowned gnomes. Nor are there any unknown owned gnomes. No gnomes at all, really.
This world is beginning to gray for me a bit.
I’d thought I was OK, but that feeling has begun to pass.
The days where my daughters are gone are empty and meaningless.
I live like an animal in my house, using only three rooms and one of them is the commode.
I eat WAY too many raisins; I’m regular in a strictly biological sense.
I get headaches from the nitrates, but the bag of raisins is a convenient way to gain weight back.
I was HOT two years ago. I swear it is true! It didn’t do me any good then.
I am growing horizontally again.
Its not a plain plane, but a plane that I spread myself over. The smear a passing man makes if you leave the shutter open too long.
Too bad I’ve no sparklers here.
my cat is MAGIC.
I swear to GOD he ran out of the house when I let the dog in.
I ran out and called his name a few times, went and got my flashlights, wandered around a little, and then came back in.
I left the light on the back porch and opened the blinds so I can look out and see him if he comes back.
And no sooner do I sit down than he walks in the family room from the kitchen, sits down, and looks out the open blinds at the back yard.
HOW THE F*&K did he get back inside?!?
|Abigail: Hi, my name is Abigail. Thank you for contacting Sirius XM. How may I help you?|
|SafeT: Hello, Abigail. I can’t seem to remember my online username and password for your streaming service.|
|Abigail: I will help you with that information. May I have your phone number please?|
|SafeT: My number is 248-555-1212*|
|Abigail: Thank you. May I have the radio ID please?|
|SafeT: It is my car. It’s cold out, I’m in my pajamas, and I don’t want to go out there.|
|SafeT: If I thought it would answer, I’d yell at it from the second story window.|
|SafeT: But in my experience it only responds to force.|
|Abigail: Okay, Joseph.Please give me a moment.|